Reflection
by WickedTorchwoodFan
Summary: Jack Harkness never fell in love - until he came along. Ianto Jones....Jack/Ianto
1. Chapter 1

**Reflection**

**Summary: - **Jack snoops through his teams' desks and finds something that makes him think about whether it was possible for him to love.

**Disclaimer: - **I don't own Torchwood!

**A/N: - **I had this thought and decided to write it down.

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Bored. That described his mood. Jack Harkness was bored. He had nothing to do and he hated it. He glanced around the hub and noticed everyone had left. He sighed deeply and wandered around his teams' desks. Gwen had a picture of her and Rhys by her computer screen. Jack picked it up and smiled softly. He remembered when he had convinced himself that he had loved her. He had left and she had hated him for it but when he had returned she had been engaged. He remembered feeling depressed and jealous but realised that he had no control over her. He replaced the picture and turned away from it. They looked happy in it and Jack didn't want to take that from them, no matter how he had felt.

He approached Tosh's desk and chuckled when he saw it's immaculate condition. Tosh had no use for her desk but she used her draws; looking around he opened a draw to the side of it. There was a picture sitting on top of some books. Picking it up, Jack smiled. It was the one he had taken of Tosh and Owen. They were sitting on a bench outside in the park looking at each other and smiling. Jack wondered when they were going to admit their feelings and get together – it was driving the rest of the team mad. There was nothing else exciting in Tosh's draws so Jack turned to Owen's.

It was at that point that he realised he was snooping. He stopped in his tracks, deciding whether to continue or turn away. Curiosity got the better of him and he opened a draw on Owen's desk. The same picture that he had seen in Tosh's was there. Below it was another one of his dead fiancé, Jack could never remember her name. He let a tear slide down his cheek as he remembered how he had failed to save her. Shaking his head, Jack turned away and walked over to Ianto's. He felt his heartbeat quicken as he ran a finger along the draw opening. He didn't to pry but he wanted to know what Ianto kept close to him. Swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, Jack opened the draw.

Nothing. Well nothing of value anyway. An old blue book was sat at the bottom of the draw. Frowning, Jack picked it up. It was a hardback copy of _Wuthering Heights. _Jack couldn't prevent the grin spreading across his face. It was so like Ianto to keep a book and nothing else.Jack rolled his eyes and placed the book back at the bottom of the draw. He went to close the draw but stopped when something caught his eye. Poking out the bottom of the book was a piece of paper. Tugging it out, Jack felt his breath catch in his throat when he saw what it contained.

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Ianto Jones emptied his bag and cursed. The book wasn't there. He had left it at the hub. Panicking Ianto struggled into his coat. Jack was at the hub and was likely to snoop around the draws and if he found the book – if he found _it – _Ianto Jones would be screwed. He couldn't let Jack find it! He would think he was a girl and not worthy of his attention. Cursing again, Ianto left his apartment and headed in the direction of the hub.

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Jack sat down in Ianto's chair and stared at the piece of paper in his hand and thought. It was a picture. It was Jack and Ianto smiling at the camera with Jack's arm around Ianto's shoulder and Ianto's arm around Jack's waist. Jack smiled when he remembered the feel of Ianto's hand gently caressing his waist line; he shivered at the thought. Turning the picture over Jack started laughing. In a heart was Jack's name. Jack bit back a laugh at the girlish symbol. This was serious. Did it mean that Ianto loved him? No! It couldn't be could it? Jack took the picture and went to sit on the steps to think. He smiled at the thought of him and Ianto being together. He ran his tongue along his lips as he remembered the kiss they had shared. It was the first time Ianto had initiated a kiss and Jack thought he was pretty good at it.

There had been the other time when Gwen had walked in on them. Ianto had stayed behind to talk to Jack and they had ended up kissing – topless. Their shirts had been quickly shed and Jack had been reaching into Ianto's trousers when Gwen had stumbled in on them. They had broken apart and Ianto had followed Gwen to explain. Jack had thought about his touch as he ran his hand along his cheek to cup his face. A clock struck eleven, startling Jack out of his thoughts. He sighed and made his way to the desk, still thinking. The night had passed with them exploring each other but not making love. Jack didn't want to taint Ianto. He didn't know how he felt about Ianto. His touch gave Jack goosebumps and when he smiled, Jack's heart jumped. Did it mean that he...? No! Jack Harkness never fell in love. Did he? Jack shook his head and looked at the picture in his hand and placed it back in the book as the door rolled open to reveal...

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Ianto ran through the door and stopped in his tracks. _Shit _he thought. Jack was standing by his desk with the book in his hand. They caught each other's eye both feeling guilty. Jack, because he had been caught snooping, Ianto, because Jack had found the picture revealing his feelings. Ianto's heart began to pound as he made his way over to Jack. He swallowed deeply and cleared his throat.

'I can explain...' He started.

'Explain what?' Jack cut him off and placed the book back in the draw. 'I shouldn't have snooped and I'm sorry but I wanted to erm...err...' Jack got stuck at what he was going to say because Ianto had come over and placed a finger on his lips.

'You found the picture didn't you?' It was more of a statement than a question and Jack nodded dumbly. 'Well what do you have to say about it then?' Ianto took his finger of Jack's lips as Jack tried to contain his thoughts. What did he think? He never felt this way about anyone. Was it love? Ianto as waving a hand in front of Jack's face to get his attention. Jack made up his mind about how he felt.

He grabbed Ianto's hand and pulled him flush against his body. He brought their lips and almost moaned at the contact. He started to move his lips with Ianto' enticing a response from him. Ianto was in shock - Jack was _kissing _him. He started to respond and felt Jack run his tongue along his bottom lip. He granted access and their tongues battle for dominance. Jack won. He broke off the kiss and tugged Ianto towards his quarters. As he closed the door behind him, he captured Ianto's lips in another fiery kiss.

As they kissed, Jack led Ianto over to the couch and lowered him onto it. His lips kept contact with Ianto's as he undid his shirt and slipped it over his shoulders while Ianto returned the favour. They broke contact as Jack slipped off Ianto trousers and boxers; he stepped back to admire his body and felt himself grow hard at what he saw. Ianto blushed and motion to Jack's trousers. He smiled and opened his arms, smirking Ianto relieved Jack of his trousers and boxers. Both men stepped back and drank in the sight of each other. Impatient, Jack pulled Ianto in for another kiss and lay him back on the couch. Straddling him, he began to leave feather light kisses down his chest. He took Ianto's member in his hand and gave it a soft squeeze. Ianto's gasped and closed his eyes. Taking it as a good sign, Jack took Ianto's member into his mouth and sucked. Ianto was going crazy, he never felt such pleasure before. He screamed out Jack's name as he came and sighed deeply. It was short lived though.

Jack looked into Ianto's eyes and silently asked permission. Ianto swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. Jack smiled and inserted a finger into Ianto. Ianto gasped at the contact and Jack added another two fingers. Sliding them out, Jack again looked at Ianto who nodded. Jack poised himself just above Ianto and entered him. Both men gasped at the sensation and Jack soon set a steady pace. He took hold of Ianto's member and began pumping with each thrust. Jack shouted Ianto's name as he spilled his seed into him and Ianto returned the favour. Collapsing on top of Ianto Jack sighed contently. He raised his head and looked Ianto in the eye.

'That was...' He was cut off by Ianto's lips on his.

''That' isn't over yet..' Ianto captured Jack's lips again as he let his hands wander...

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Jack sighed deeply and ran his hand through Ianto's hair. What they had just shared was immense. Ianto made him feel like no other person could. Jack was about to drop off just as he found the answer to his problem.

He was in love with Ianto Jones.

**A/N How did I do? I had this idea for a while but couldn't come up with the courage to write a 'scene'...**

**Tell me what you thought by reviewing...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Are we Together?**

**A/N sorry it took so long. I was going to leave it as a one shot but after receiving reviews for an update, i changed my mind and the result is below...enjoy ...xx**

Ianto Jones stepped into Jack's quarters and sighed. His ... lover? Was sleeping on his side with a smile on his face. Did he put that there? Ianto smiled at the memories of the night before but ended up frowning as his thoughts led him down a black path. Did Jack love him or was Ianto just a piece on the side? Sure enough, Ianto knew about Jack's previous partners and one night stands but was Ianto different? Jack stirred and his eyelids fluttered. Ianto made his way over to the bed and gently sat on the side of it. Jack turned in his direction and smiled.

'Is that coffee I can smell?' He held his hands out blindly to grasp the mug but Ianto chuckled.

'Yes you smell coffee but no it's not for you.' Jack's smile fell a little but soon perked up again. Ianto began to feel apprehensive at the smirk tugging at Jack's lips.

'I smell a Ianto and _that_ is definitely for me.' He pulled Ianto down for a kiss which was soon deepened. They broke apart as Ianto dropped the coffee mug and the hot beverage seeped into their clothing. Well, Ianto's clothing. Cursing, Ianto climbed off the bed and grabbed a towel lying nearby. He picked up the corner of the duvet to wipe it but replaced it when he revealed Jack. Naked. Blushing, he cleared his throat and turned away. Jack smiled cockily at the reaction.

'What's the matter? Don't like what you see?' Jack smiled and tilted his head to study Ianto. Blushing deeper, Ianto cleared his throat – again.

'No,' His voice was a mere whisper, 'I certainly like what I see and that's the problem.'

'And why is that a problem?' Jack chuckled to himself. He had Ianto going crazy for him. Ianto turned around and looked Jack in the eye.

'Because I won't be responsible for my actions if I happen to see it again.' Ianto smiled and left Jack's quarters.

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By the time the team had arrived Jack and Ianto were dressed and sharing coffee in the meeting room. Gwen walked in rambling about Rhys to Tosh who had a bored expression on her face. Jack winked at her and she smiled and rolled her eyes. They took their seats and looked to Ianto who smiled.

'You're here early Ianto.' Gwen was never on for being subtle. Jack smirked at this put his head down which Tosh noticed. She looked from him to Ianto who was going redder by the minute. Mumbling something about coffee, Ianto left the room. They hadn't, had they? Trying to figure it out Tosh leaned back in her chair and thought.

Owen stumbled into the meeting room and glanced around, smirking slightly he sat down. The women and Jack noticed his smirk.

'Something funny Owen?' Jack spoke up.

'Yep.' Owen leaned back in his chair and placed his hands behind his head. 'I beat Ianto to work and now he owes me £10' Tosh looked incredulous.

'You made a bet on who would get to work first?' She leaned forward and studied Owen.

'Well not exactly. Ianto said I could never beat him to work so I told him to place his money where his mouth was. He did and I beat him to work.'

'That's a lie.' Owen toppled from his chair as Ianto placed his coffee in front of him. 'I said it was unlikely that you would beat me to work not that you'd never do it. Oh that's £10 you owe me.' Jack laughed at Owen's expression and winked at Ianto who blushed. Owen caught the exchange and came to a conclusion.

'No one won this – yet.' Everyone looked to Owen who was smirking again.

'What do you mean Owen? I beat you to work – fair and square.' Ianto looked at Jack who shrugged. He knew someone would figure them out but not this soon. However, there was nothing they could do to avoid it though.

'Ianto Jones, in order to beat me to work, you have to leave the office. I have strong belief that you stayed here the night.' The women gasped at this and looked from Jack to Ianto.

'You are wrong once again Owen Harper.' Ianto laughed at Owen's face. Inside, however, a different battle was going on. How did he know? It wasn't possible to have been caught so soon. Who else knew?

'So you're telling me that nothing happened between you and a certain Captain Jack last night?' Jack looked up at his name and smiled encouragingly at Ianto, he knew the man would need it to admit their relationship. Ianto swallowed and looked Owen in the eye.

'Nothing.' Jack felt the wind leave his airways. Why had Ianto just denied the fact they were together? Was he scared? Was he ashamed of them? Did he care about Jack? Leaving it down to the fact that maybe he was uncertain about letting everyone know, Jack watched Ianto leave the room and settled down to work.

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The rest of the day had passed by without much event. Jack and Ianto had hardly spoken, apart from asking for coffee and the team had no idea what had happened between them; though they had their suspicions. Ianto was standing in the 'kitchen' waiting for the coffee machine when he felt two arms snake around his waist and a pair of lips attack his neck. He leaned back into the touch gaining a slight moan from Jack. Closing his eyes and gathering his thoughts, Ianto pulled out of Jack's grasp. Jack frowned as Ianto turned to face him.

'We can't Jack, not here anyway.' Ianto turned back around but Jack laid a hand on his arm.

'Why not?' Jack felt the electricity their touch created but ignored it. Ianto was being serious. He looked Ianto and was shocked at what he found there – pain. Why was he hurting? Jack hadn't done anything...the team hadn't done anything, why was his Ianto hurting. Jack was pulled from his thoughts by Ianto's voice.

'Because anyone could walk in and assume things that aren't true about us.' Jack felt like he had been punched in the stomach. Ianto didn't take them seriously, didn't take Jack seriously.

'What about last night Ian?' (**A/N Pronounced 'yan' as Jack's own nickname for Ianto.) **Jack ran his hand along Ianto's arm but Ianto brushed it off. He turned to the sink and took a deep breath. This was hard. He didn't even know why he had to do it. But he did. He had to stop loving Jack and the only way was to end what they had. He cried inside when he thought about leaving him but it had to be done.

'It was just sex Jack – surely you can see that?' Ianto longed to take Jack into his arms and kiss his fears away when he saw the expression on his face. It was hurt and despair. Ianto had to look away before his defenses broke down.

'Just sex?' Jack's voice was a mere whisper. Was this how everyone felt after a one-night stand. It was awful. Jack felt as if someone had stabbed him and it hurt. How could he hurt? He was Jack Harkness, Captain of Torchwood who never fell in love. But he did. He fell in love with the one person who hurt him most. The person who was stood in front of him ending what they had. Ianto took a deep breath and took the plunge.

'Just sex.' He finished the coffee and left the kitchen; leaving Jack standing there with a tear sliding down his cheek.

**A/N before you kill me, i had my reasons for doing this... review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**We have a problem**

**A/N**** I apologise in advance for the delay in an update but I had exams to revise for and coursework to do ...but here it is...enjoy !**

Ianto closed his apartment door behind him and sank onto the floor. He threw his bag and coat to the side and brought his knees up to his chest. He placed his head on his arms and allowed himself to finally cry. He had ended everything with Jack and now they could never go back to what they were. Ianto's body raked with sobs as he remembered the conversation in the kitchen. He raised his head and screamed at the door as if it would solve things. Angry at himself for caring too much, he flung himself off the floor and stalked into the bathroom. He ran himself a hot bath and watched the steam drift towards the ceiling, it reminded him of himself drifting away from Jack and yanked the plug out the hole. Walking into the room, he looked around. Everything was in its place. Satisfied that at least one thing was going right, Ianto reached into his bottom drawer and pulled out a black book. There was nothing extraordinary about this book, it was just a plain black book with paper in it. But it held meaning to Ianto. They were his letters to Jack, letters of him confessing his feelings and problems, letters that would never get sent. Wiping the last remnants of tears from his face, Ianto opened the book and flicked to the last letter he had wrote. More tears slipped down his cheeks as he read it.

_Dearest Jack,_

_I'm going to do it. I have to tell you how I feel about you. You see it's quite simple. I watch Tosh and Owen and I realize they're us. Denying their feelings for each other until it eats them inside. I want you so much Jack, I want to look at you and be able to stare without worrying about people seeing. I want you to love me and I want you to be proud of us. I need you Jack. I need you to survive and I need you to make me see the best in me. You make me smile when I want to cry, you make me laugh when I'm angry at you. How do you do it? You're the most amazing person I ever met and I want you to know about my feelings But I'm scared. I'm scared of you rejecting me and I'm scared of caring to much about you. I'll do it though. I'm sick of keeping everything a secret and I want to share it with you. Will you let me?_

_ Forever and Always Yours_

_ Ianto_

_ xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Fresh tears slipped down his cheeks as Ianto reached for his pen. Taking a deep breath, Ianto turned the page and once again wrote to Jack.

_Dearest Jack,_

_I did it. Are you proud of me now? You found out how I felt and we spent the night together. It was incredible. You showed me things I never dreamed of. But it wasn't to last. I broke it off Jack, I had to. I cared for you too much and I didn't think you felt the same way so I had to end it before you hurt me even more. I didn't mean to hurt you Jack, believe me I wanted to cause you as little pain as possible. You nearly made me forget about ending it when you looked at me. You were so helpless and I had caused it, I wanted to kiss away your fears and hold you tight. I couldn't. It would mean that I would how you I still cared and didn't want to end it. I just don't want to be hurt anymore and by ending it with you, I won't hurt. Many people would call me selfish and I would agree with them but I had to do it. I don't want you to think that I don't care about you because I do. I love you Jack. I love you I love you I LOVE YOU. I would shout it from the rooftops if I knew you loved me back. But I don't. I don't know you love me. Why does it have to be so hard? Why can;t you just tell me – put an end to this torment? Help me Jack – I need you to help me more than you think._

_ Forever and Always Yours _

_ Ianto_

_ xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Ianto placed the book back into the drawer and switched the light off. Laying on the bed he looked at the ceiling and cried. He cried for himself and Jack and he cried for the strength to face the next day.

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'Suspected rift movement in North Cardiff.' Tosh's voice cut through Jacks thoughts and he looked at the team. His gaze rested on Ianto a second longer than what it should have but Jack couldn't help it. Ianto had ended them before they had started and it was already taking its toll on him. He had not slept the night before, tormented by thoughts of him and Ianto. He had not expected Ianto to show up for work but he was sitting opposite him looking fresh and ready. Jack cursed himself for caring. He had fallen in love and this was the price he was paying – rejection and hurt. He made a silent vow to never fall in love again.

'Jack?' Jack looked at Tosh. She was looking back at him with an expectant look in her eye. It was then he remembered what she had said.

'Grab the equipment and lets locate this bugger.' Jack hated rift moments at times but this was one where he love it. It served as a distraction and thats what he needed.

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'Right, Tosh you stay here and keep contact with the rest of the team. Gwen, Owen, you take that street and Ianto and I will take the opposite one. Remember there is no specific location to this rift, we just know the general area so be alert.' Giving a quick nod to his team Jack loaded his gun and jumped out the jeep. He heard Owen and Gwen scamper off down the street and motioned to Ianto to follow him. He didn't know why he had paired himself with Ianto – actually he did. He wanted to find out whether he was serious about them breaking up.

'Ianto?'

'Captain?' Jack chuckled. Trust Ianto to be so formal. They turned the corner and raised their guns. Empty. Jack looked at Ianto and smirked. Something rustled down the street and Jack rammed Ianto into the wall and pressed his body flush against him.

'Were you serious?' Jack looked in Ianto's eyes.

'About breaking up? Yes.' Ianto tried not to blink as he his the hurt from his eyes. Why was Jack doing this to him?

'So am I right in assuming you are completely over me?' Jack looked down the street. Empty.

'Completely.' Ianto looked down the street too as he became painfully aware of their proximity. He could feel Jacks chest muscles through his coat and it took all his power not to kiss him. Jack raised his eyebrows.

'Right.' Without warning, Jack brought his lips to Ianto's. Immediately, Ianto responded to the kiss and it wasn't long until he granted Jack access to his mouth. As the kiss deepened, Jack pulled apart abruptly. 'I ask the same question. Are you over me?' Ianto couldn't reply, he just hung his head. Jack smiled. 'I didn't think so.' He turned and walked down the street. Ianto shook himself and raised his gun and followed Jack.

They were halfway down the street when they became aware of someone whimpering. Following the sound, the two men approached a young teenage boy. He was crouched down and hugging his knees. He was only wearing a pair of jeans and a thin shirt. Sighing, Jack squatted and lifted the boy's chin to meet his gaze.

'What's your name?' Jack tilted the boy's head to the side as he examined him.

'K...K...Kieran.' Came the reply. Jack frowned.

'Where did you come from?' Ianto took a step closer and leaned over Jack to check the boy's pulse.

'I...I don't know.' Kieran shivered and Ianto shook off his coat and placed it around Kieran's shoulders. Jack and Ianto shared a look.

'What do you mean you don't know.' Ianto squatted next to the boy and turned to face him.

'I was walking and then this light came and the next thing I remember is that I'm squatting in this dirty street.' Ianto and Jack shared another worried look.

'Captain,' Ianto started. 'If you don't mind me saying; we have a problem.'

**A/N sorry for the time it took to update – hope it was worth it. Review !**


	4. Chapter 4

I need you

**I need you**

Jack leaned back in his chair and sighed. Running his hands down his face he realised what a hard day it had been. Him and Ianto had found a helpless teenage boy whom they now needed to find a home for, he had shouted at everyone when something had gone wrong and he had kissed Ianto. Not that it was a bad thing, kissing Ianto but Jack didn't want Ianto to know he needed him. He had only kissed him to make a point but even he had felt the fireworks their kiss created. Sighing again, Jack reached for his coffee mug – empty.

'Ianto! Cof -' Jack stopped. Ianto wasn't here anymore. He had offered to let Kieran stay at his house and Jack couldn't find anything against it. At least he wouldn't stay at the hub and create a problem Jack didn't need. Walking into the 'kitchen' Jack started making a coffee. He stopped suddenly when he realised the last time he had been in the kitchen and just stared at the work top. The seriousness of him and Ianto 'breaking up' hit him. Ianto didn't want him. Jack felt his heart restrict when the thought of Ianto being with someone else ran through his mind. He didn't want anyone else to have his Ianto. He didn't want anyone else to experience what he had with Ianto. He didn't want anyone to have Ianto. He wanted Ianto. Jack felt helpless and he did not like it. What if Ianto did find someone else? Would Jack be alone forever now? Jack felt a tear run down his cheek but did not make a move to wipe it away. Ianto didn't want him. He kept going through this in his head and it made him hurt more. But it was good. By hurting he could get over it and get over Ianto. That was what he wanted – wasn't it? Jack felt unsure of what he wanted and it scared him. He _always _knew what he wanted. Except for now. Jack felt more tears cascade down his face as the helplessness feeling overwhelmed him. He sank to the floor and put his back against the cupboard. He let himself cry and he did not care who heard him. He was hurt and he didn't know what to do about it so he just cried.

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'Right Kieran, the bathroom's in there, kitchens through there and your room's though there.' Ianto gestured with his hand as he mentioned each room. Kieran's expression did not change. He still had the lost little boy look he had on his face when he had arrived – well when he and Jack had found him. Kieran looked over Ianto's shoulder into the living room.

'Through there?' He asked simply. Ianto looked to where he was gesturing.

'That's the living room. Look.' Kieran followed Ianto through the hallway and into the living room. His eyes widened at the size of it. There were two sofas which seated three people each and three arm chairs in brown leather. There was a deep mahogany table in the middle of a cream carpet and deep brown curtains draped over the window. Kieran's eyes settled on the TV and he finally smiled. Ianto followed his gaze. 'You like the TV? You can watch something while I erm…cook?' Ianto sighed with relief as Kieran nodded in agreement there was one problem though, Ianto couldn't cook.

Struggling to find a solution, Ianto walked into the kitchen and leant against the cupboards. Looking after a teenager was difficult – especially one that didn't communicate much. Still, Ianto had to feed the thing. Shaking some tension from his shoulders, Ianto felt a sudden urge of anger flow through his veins. How could Jack pin the kid on him? He had no idea where kids were concerned. Why couldn't Tosh or Gwen have taken him? But Ianto knew why. It was to get back, to make him pay for hurting Jack. Ianto felt tears prick his eyes as the image of Jack crying swept through his mind. Annoyed at his weakness of letting Jack in, Ianto shook himself roughly and opened a cupboard. Tins, tins and more tins. Sighing, Ianto turned away from his cupboard and growled. What would Kieran like? Ianto thought back to when he was 15 and what he ate and smiled. Of course! It was simple really.

'Kieran, erm…you're foods ready.' Ianto heard the TV go mute and the unmistakable sound of feet being dragged. As Kieran rounded the corner into the dining room, another smile broke out on his face. Ianto's shoulders sagged with relief. He had ordered four different types of pizza in and had located some coke in the bottom cupboard. Okay, it wasn't the healthiest dinner he had ever put together but it was food. He made a mental note to ask Tosh and Gwen what sort of food Kieran would like – they would know, they had to, they were women. Ianto gestured to the chair opposite his and Kieran sat down warily. 'Help yourself.' It was all the encouragement needed and Ianto smiled in satisfaction as Kieran took two slices of pizza and started eating. Ianto poured two glasses of coke and took his and settled back in his chair. He was thinking about whether he could find some ice-cream for dessert when a horrid choking sound filled the room. Panicking, Ianto looked at Kieran who was grasping his throat. He rushed up and tried to get the food lodged in his throat out but there was none. Kieran just motioned for a pen and paper. Freaking out, Ianto rushed to find some. Kieran took the pen off him and wrote a simple message:

_Allergic to Green Peppers. I need water and one half of an ibuprofen. Then I need to lay on a solid surface for 2 hours where I am directly horizontal and the surface is colder than the air in the room. I suggest the autopsy room at the hub….._

Ianto grew a little confused at the 'cure' but passed it. He collected the water and half the ibuprofen but could do nothing about the surface. Then he had a brain wave. No, that would mean calling _him_. He couldn't. But he could and he would. As far as he knew, Kieran's life depended on it. Reaching for the phone, Ianto dialled the number. As it rung, Ianto felt his heart beat quicken.

'Yes?' The voice sounded groggy on the other end.

'Jack, I need you.' His request was simple but both he and Jack knew it was anything but.

**A/N sorry it took so long!! The cure is a little weird but as I am allergic to Green peppers, I find it works. (Apart from the surface being colder, I had to make it so Ianto would have to return to the hub and it was the only idea I had) Review !!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Arguments and Silences**

Ianto hoisted Kieran over his shoulder and hurried into the hub. He had arranged with Jack so the autopsy bed would already be horizontal and cool by the time he arrived. Sure enough, when he reached the room, he only had to place Kieran onto the bed. Kieran smiled slightly and closed his eyes. Ianto pushed his hair back from his face and sighed. He heard his name being called and left, switching the light off as he went. He looked around for Jack and found him in his office. Closing his eyes briefly, Ianto walked up the steps and prayed for the strength to get through this meeting.

'You called me Jack?' He poked his head around the door and saw Jack leaning against a wall looking very pissed off.

'Why is the boy we rescued laying in the autopsy room after nearly dying while he was on your watch?' Ianto cowered at the anger in his voice.

'Well...I gave him some Pizza and well he was allergic to green peppers – how was I supposed to know?'

'You know because it's your job to know Ianto.'

'Oh Right, I see. Suddenly I get lumbered with some kid who doesn't belong here and I'm supposed to know what he's allergic to and how he likes his Pizza? That's ridiculous Jack and you know it.'

'Nothings ridiculous unless I say it is. You should have known what this kid ate before feeding him you don't guess with a job like this, you can't afford to.' Jack threw himself off the wall and sat down on his chair.

'I didn't guess Jack! I knew this guy liked Pizza but he was the one who didn't tell me he was allergic to green peppers. They were in the sauce so he had no idea he was eating them until he reacted to them. If it's anyone's fault Captain, it's yours.' Ianto had lied about Kieran knowing about Pizza but Jack didn't need to know that.

'Mine? My Fault? How exactly do you think its my fault Ianto? I'm not the one who gave him the peppers, I'm not the one who was looking after him and feeding him. You were, you were Ianto. Because of your lack of work, we now have a sick kid who we have to look after! It was on your watch and your fault.'

'You lumbered him on me Jack! You told me to take him home – I hate kids but I didn't let that stop me because it's my job!'

'I lumbered him on you because you were the only one who could take him- not because I wanted to.' Ianto felt like he had been slapped.

'I was a last resort? Oh right, well you can look after him now then as you seem to know what you're doing. I'm going home.'

'Ianto if you walk out of here I'll...I'll'

'You'll what Jack fire me? Fine, fire me but there's no way I'll walk out the door with that kid again, not tonight.'

'Ianto it's your job to look after him.'

'I don't care Jack, I'm walking and if you fire me then fine – but I will not look after him tonight, no matter what you threaten me with.'

'I wish you weren't so stubborn because then I wouldn't love you so much.' Jack said it without thinking but Ianto gasped and looked at him. Jack saw the fear in his eyes as he backed away.

'I...I...I have to go' He ran out the office, out the hub and out into the air. He breathed deeply calming himself before heading home.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Ianto opened his flat door and sighed. Why did Jack have to make it so difficult for him? Cursing, Ianto wandered into the kitchen and started to tidy the mes he had made. Once finished, he made his way upstairs and collapsed onto the bed. He lay there for what seemed like hours but was only ten minutes. Needing reassurance, he reached for his black note book and blue pen. He sat up and began writing.

_My dearest Jack,_

_How I thought I would be able to call you that one day. But I can't. It hurts too much. I love you so much it hurts but we ruined everything. You helped ruin it Jack. You told me you loved me. Since I met you I longed for you to say that and mean it but now you've said it and meant it I no longer want it. Funny isn't it? How love turns out. You're going to hurt me Jack, I can sense it. You'll be with me and then realise there's someone better and leave me. I don't want that. I want someone who will love me and stay with me. I want security and you can't give it. Maybe you can though but I don't want to risk it. I'm sick of being hurt by you Jack. I thought Kieran would bring us together as **we** looked after him but in the end it drove us apart. I need to be alone Jack, I need time...I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm leaving but most of all I'm sorry that I love you so much._

_Ianto._

Ianto began crying and closed the book. It was decided he would leave tomorrow.

**A/N Don't kill me because it's shorter or for the way I ended it - I have good reasons...well not for the length but...Review !**


	6. Chapter 6

**But Captain, He's gone**

Ianto's alarm flicked on at 6.00am, pulling him from his peaceful slumber. Wishing for a few more minutes, he rolled over but, as he remembered what day it was, he shoved the duvet back and leapt out of his bed. He was leaving today. His heart did a funny jump as he thought about Jack's reaction but he pushed it back as soon as it surfaced. He didn't need to think about that now. He thought about telling Jack but decided it would be easier to leave him in the unknown for the time being. Besides, it would be easier on both of them. He stood staring out the window thinking about telling Jack but found a better way. He reached down and picked up his black notebook. He smiled as he wrote his letter to Jack, thinking about where he was going.

_Jack,_

_I decided to drop the 'dearest' seeing as I'll never call you it and it seems unnecessary now. Today is the day I leave. Leave the flat, the town. Leave you. I thought it would hurt but it doesn't. Is it wrong not to hurt? I need to think and I never seem to think when you're around so I have to go. Can't you see why? Of course you can't you're Captain Jack Harkness who never knows what other people are trying to tell him. It's true Jack. I tried a hundred times to tell you I loved you and every time you just went 'coffee please Ianto.' How I wanted you to say 'relationship Ianto.' But you never did. It was always coffee, never me. Then that night. That night was the best I had experienced. You made it real for me and I thought we could stand a chance. How I was wring. I soon realised that I would take second place in your life. I would always be second and never first. I would never be first because it relied on you. When things rely on you it goes wrong. So wrong. So I ended it. I did it for myself and it was the mote selfish act I had ever done and it hurt. It hurt to put what I wanted first but I had to do it to prevent me from hurting further. Then the Kiss. That kiss was so unexpected yet so amazing. I wanted to take it further but I had to stop it would only lead to worse things. You caught me out Jack. Happy now? You caught Ianto Jones out. You made him realise he was in love with you and that he needed you. He still does. No matter how many times he tells himself he doesn't, he does. He needs you more than oxygen and he needs you like Earth needs the sun. But he can't have you. He'll get hurt and he doesn't want to be. So he's leaving. He's leaving you Jack and he's sorry. He's sorry he left you and he's sorry he hurt you. But most of all, he's sorry for falling in love with you._

_Ianto_

Ianto closed the book and smiled. He finally felt relaxed and being in love with Jack no longer hurt. It just felt right. So why was he leaving? Ianto thought about it and realised he had to. He had to think about his feelings for Jack and whether they were worth pursuing. Deep down he knew they were but the realistic side of him took over and made him think about it and he thought in no better place than Dover. He was leaving in an hour and he better get packing.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Jack raised his head from the desk and rubbed his eyes wearily, it had been a long night. He looked up at the clock and frowned. 8:01am where was his coffee? Ianto was NEVER late where his coffee was concerned so where was it? Yawning, he stepped out of his office and looked around. The smell of coffee wafted through the hub and Jack smiled. His Ianto was here. Wandering into the makeshift kitchen, Jack's smile slipped from his face. It was Kieran, not Ianto, who was making the coffee.

'What the hell do you think you're doing? It's Ianto's job to make coffee.' Kieran whipped around with a frightened look in his eyes.

'But Captain, he's gone.' Jack frowned again.

'Gone? Gone where? He's here! He's here!!' Jack started panicking. Where was Ianto if he was gone?

'I don't know sir, I don't…'

'Hush,' Jack cut across Kieran. 'Forget the coffee, get your shoes and follow me. We're going to Ianto's flat to see why he hasn't bothered to show up.'

'But Captain, he's gone.' Jack clamped his hands to his ears and shook his head violently.

'No he hasn't. Get your shoes.' Kieran ran to get his shoes while Jack scribbled a note for the rest of the team. Once ready, the both made their way to the SUV.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Pulling up outside Ianto's flat, Jack jumped out the car. Kieran followed looking scared. Jack raced up to his door and reached inside his pocket for the spare key he owned. It was his policy that every member of Torchwood provided him with a spare key in case of emergencies. He opened Ianto's flat and frantically ran from room to room screaming Ianto's name. Kieran followed and met Jack in the living room.

'Captain, he's gone.' Jack looked around wildly.

'Gone where? Where's he gone?' He kept muttering these words over and over as he slowly sank to the floor and grabbed his hair, pulling until it hurt. Kieran slipped out and wandered into the kitchen, leaving Jack to cry on his own.

In the living room, Jack was on his knees, the tears slipping freely down his cheeks as he thought iof Ianto. Why did it hurt so much, he was just a colleague? But he wasn't. He was far much more. He was the one who had taught Jack to love, the one who made Jack love him. It hurt. Jack cried until his throat hurt. Was this how Ianto felt when he had yelled at him and told him he loved him? Had he scared Ianto away? Fear of what he had done plagued Jack until he finally stopped crying. Wiping his tears, he looked around and spotted a black book. That was unusual; Ianto was always a 'neat freak'. Why was this book out? Curiosity got the better of him and he wandered over to the book. Picking it up, Jack flipped it open. He flicked through the pages, They were letters. Letters written in Ianto's neat writing. Jack couldn't distinguish who the letters were to as his eyes were too sore from crying. Rolling his eyes, he flipped it shut and replaced it back on the table in the middle of the room. He looked around again but didn't find anything of interest. Yawning slightly, Jack left the room leaving the balck notebook, containing so many truths and secrets, on the table.

**A/N Kieran's got a talent? Jack will return and fine the letters? Will Ianto stay away? Review and you'll find out….**


	7. Chapter 7

Should he jump and end his pain

**Should he jump and end his pain?**

Ianto stood on the edge of the cliff and sighed. The wind raked its fingers through his hair and felt some feeling of peace come over him. He had arrived at his destination three hours ago and had rushed to the cliff where he was currently standing, breathing in the cool clear air. He looked out and saw the sea and it made him feel relaxed then it made him tense. He could end his pain by using the sea. He could just jump and end it all. He could finally forget Jack and the pain he brought with him. He could forget his pain – he could _end _his pain. Should he do it? Should he jump and end his pain?

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Jack was going crazy – putting it mildly. He was racing around the hub desperately trying to find a location for one Ianto Jones. He had failed. He sat in his chair at his desk staring at a map of the United Kingdom and wondering where Ianto could be; the answer didn't please him. Anywhere. Sighing Jack took a gulp of his coffee and shuddered. Terrible. Well seeing as Owen had made it, it was bound to be terrible. Standing up, Jack started pacing his office yelling at the wall and hurling abuse at objects that couldn't respond.

'Where the fuck is he? He can't have gone! He can't have left me. Where the fuck is he?' Jack punched the wall and yelped as pain spread through his knuckles into his hand. Why did he do that? Shaking his head slightly, he left the office and made his way down the small stairs; his team would have answers – they better do.

'Toshiko anything?' Tosh looked up in alarm; it was never a good sign when Jack used her full name – it meant he was expecting something.

'Nothing Jack on anything.' She hung her head in shame. She had never failed the Captain but the time she had was the time it hurt him most.

'Nothing?' Jack whispered. The crew looked at him warily. 'Nothing? Nothing on anything? Tosh!' Tosh looked at him in shock as the pain in his voice reached her ears. 'We shell out on all this equipment and you tell me you find nothing on a missing crew member. I expected better, especially from you Tosh. You've never let me down, why now? Why let me down now Tosh?' Tosh felt a tear slip down her cheek. 'Please, I just want you to find him,' Jack's voice broke, and Gwen took a step towards him, Jack saw. 'Don't you dare Gwen Cooper. Don't you dare feel sorry for me and take those steps to me and hug me and tell me everything will be O.K because it won't. Ianto has gone. He's gone Gwen. He's left. He's left me.' Gwen had steadily made her way to Jack as he sunk to the floor and cried again. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight; offering the comfort he so dearly needed. Jack melted into her arms and cried softly, occasionally muttering 'he's gone' into her chest. Kieran stood awkwardly by the kitchen door as Owen made his way over to Tosh and hugged her as she cried along with Jack. No one had seen their leader cry before and it hurt them. It hurt them because he was supposed to be string and it hurt them because they could do nothing about it. Even Owen felt a few tears prick his eyes as he saw Jack's pain. He was going to make Ianto Jones pay for the pain he was putting their Jack through.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Ianto looked into the murky depths of the sea and smiled. It looked so relaxed just swishing to and fro. Ianto longed to feel its embrace but something held him back, he just didn't know what. Well he did, he just didn't want to admit it. It was his love for Jack that stopped him from jumping. But loving Jack hurt and he could end his pain. He just had to jump. Should he do it? Should he jump and end his pain?

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Tosh looked up from her computer screen and screamed for Gwen. Gwen came rushing out of the kitchen and straight to the screen. Her eyes widened when she saw its content.

'Oh my….JACK!' Jack came rushing out his office and in front of the screen. All he saw was a load of numbers and words that meant nothing to him.

'Tosh, Gwen, ladies. I hope this is worthwhile.' After his breakdown earlier, he had expressed the wish to only be disturbed by something when it involved Ianto being found. Tosh bustled beside him.

'It is don't you see? I can track Ianto! I can find him!' Jack's face lit up with a smile as the words registered. He felt hope rise from his belly and rushed for his coat. 'Where are you going?'

'Ianto's apartment – there was a black book in the living room full of letters, I thought it would help to see who those letters are for! They could be letters to some one asking for lodging….' Tosh caught the last few words as Jack rushed out the Hub. Heading for Ianto's apartment and the little black book.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Ianto felt his heart break as he thought of his love for Jack. Why did it hurt so? He just wanted the pain to end! He just wanted it to go back where he no longer felt anything for Jack and he could survive. He wanted to love Jack and he wanted to be with Jack. He wanted Jack. But he wanted Jack without the pain. But there was pain and there was only one way to end it. Jump. Should he do it? Should he jump and end his pain?

**A/N So I leave you with a question….should he do it? Should he jump and end his pain? Review ! **


	8. Chapter 8

Truth is revealed

**Truth is revealed **

**A/N I just want to say thank you SO much for the people who have reviewed and to those who I could not reply to – Laura and Shayanne – thank you so much! Anyway back to the story…**

Jack stopped the SUV outside Ianto's flat and switched the engine off. He gripped the steering wheel tightly and breathed deeply. He wasn't sure whether he could handle this but he had to. He needed to find out where Ianto was. He took another deep breath and stepped out the SUV. He unlocked the flat door and stepped inside. There was still a smell of Ianto's presence and he breathed in deeply trying to memorise the smell. He shut the door behind him and stepped further into the flat. He looked around trying to remember where the black book was. He entered the living room and saw it lying on the arm of the sofa. He picked it up and settled back into the sofa as he opened it…….

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Ianto walked down the cliff and headed into the town sighing. He thought that coming here would help with his feelings but he had only grown more confused as he delved into his thoughts and feelings on Jack. Okay, so he loved him. That was sure enough but wouldn't Jack hurt him. His memory flicked back to the night they had shared together.

_Jack collapsed onto Ianto and breathed in his scent. Ianto untangled their bodies and pulled him into his arms. Both men breathed heavily as their racing hearts slowly returned to their normal rates. Ianto placed a kiss onto Jack's head as both men drifted off. Before he fell unconscious Ianto heard Jack murmur three words. _

'_I love you.' Unconsciousness claimed him before he could reply. _

Ianto shivered at the memory then stopped. Jack had told him he loved him. He stopped mid street as the thought went through his brain. Jack loved him. How could he be so stupid to walk away when Jack had told him that? Ianto smiled at his own stupidity. Jack loved him! So what was he doing here?

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Jack felt his heart restrict as he read the first letter.

_Jack._

_You hired me today. It was the best day of my life! Sounds weird seeing as I hardly know you but I just feel as if I belong with you. I hardly know you but I feel as if we have a connection. I hardly know you but I think I love you. Weird isn't it?_

_Ianto_

_X_

Jack flipped the page and read a few more letters.

_Dearest Jack,_

_Funny how I've adopted that name now. There's no denying it anymore, I love you. It's that simple. I just want to be with you every single moment of the day and I want to share everything with you. Weird isn't it? I'm in love with my boss who also happens to be a man. But I don't think it's weird, I just think its right._

_Yours truly,_

_Ianto_

_xxx_

_Dearest Jack_

_What would you do if I kissed you? It's harder to resist it now. I just want to tell you what I'm going through. But I can't – you'd reject me and I don't want that. I don't want to be hurt. I'm scared of getting hurt. Please don't hurt me Jack._

_Forever yours_

_Ianto_

_Xxx_

Jack felt the tears cascade down his cheeks and he read through this letter. _I tried to Ianto. I tried so hard not to hurt you. I tried so fucking hard. _He thought. He flicked through the book reading more letters.

_Dearest Jack,_

_I'm going to do it. I have to tell you how I feel about you. You see it's quite simple. I watch Tosh and Owen and I realize they're us. Denying their feelings for each other until it eats them inside. I want you so much Jack, I want to look at you and be able to stare without worrying about people seeing. I want you to love me and I want you to be proud of us. I need you Jack. I need you to survive and I need you to make me see the best in me. You make me smile when I want to cry, you make me laugh when I'm angry at you. How do you do it? You're the most amazing person I ever met and I want you to know about my feelings But I'm scared. I'm scared of you rejecting me and I'm scared of caring too much about you. I'll do it though. I'm sick of keeping everything a secret and I want to share it with you. Will you let me?_

_Forever and Always Yours_

_Ianto_

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

_My dearest Jack,_

_How I thought I would be able to call you that one day. But I can't. It hurts too much. I love you so much it hurts but we ruined everything. You helped ruin it Jack. You told me you loved me. Since I met you I longed for you to say that and mean it but now you've said it and meant it I no longer want it. Funny isn't it? How love turns out. You're going to hurt me Jack, I can sense it. You'll be with me and then realise there's someone better and leave me. I don't want that. I want someone who will love me and stay with me. I want security and you can't give it. Maybe you can though but I don't want to risk it. I'm sick of being hurt by you Jack. I thought Kieran would bring us together as __**we**__ looked after him but in the end it drove us apart. I need to be alone Jack, I need time...I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm leaving but most of all I'm sorry that I love you so much._

_Ianto._

_Jack,_

_I decided to drop the 'dearest' seeing as I'll never call you it and it seems unnecessary now. Today is the day I leave. Leave the flat, the town. Leave you. I thought it would hurt but it doesn't. Is it wrong not to hurt? I need to think and I never seem to think when you're around so I have to go. Can't you see why? Of course you can't you're Captain Jack Harkness who never knows what other people are trying to tell him. It's true Jack. I tried a hundred times to tell you I loved you and every time you just went 'coffee please Ianto.' How I wanted you to say 'relationship Ianto.' But you never did. It was always coffee, never me. Then that night. That night was the best I had experienced. You made it real for me and I thought we could stand a chance. How I was wring. I soon realised that I would take second place in your life. I would always be second and never first. I would never be first because it relied on you. When things rely on you it goes wrong. So wrong. So I ended it. I did it for myself and it was the mote selfish act I had ever done and it hurt. It hurt to put what I wanted first but I had to do it to prevent me from hurting further. Then the Kiss. That kiss was so unexpected yet so amazing. I wanted to take it further but I had to stop it would only lead to worse things. You caught me out Jack. Happy now? You caught Ianto Jones out. You made him realise he was in love with you and that he needed you. He still does. No matter how many times he tells himself he doesn't, he does. He needs you more than oxygen and he needs you like Earth needs the sun. But he can't have you. He'll get hurt and he doesn't want to be. So he's leaving. He's leaving you Jack and he's sorry. He's sorry he left you and he's sorry he hurt you. But most of all, he's sorry for falling in love with you._

_Ianto_

Jack freely let himself cry as he thought of the pain he had put Ianto through. He was no longer mad at him; he was just upset at himself. How could he let Ianto down like that? He was distracted from his crying as his phone rung in his pocket. It was Tosh.

'Jack I found him but...' Jack cut her off.

'I'll be right there.' Jack raced out of the flat and into the SUV he started the engine and made it top the hub in record time. He rushed into the main area with a smile on his face. They had found his Ianto. His smile slipped as he saw the anxious faces on his teams' faces.

'What's wrong?' Was all he asked but Tosh started crying. Owen spoke for her.

'They found Ianto Jack but there was an accident…' Jack felt the wind leave his lungs.

'What happened?' Gwen took over the story.

'There was a lorry and it lost control…..Ianto was driving, we managed to trace his phone as he was connecting a call. But he was driving and so was the lorry and well the collided.' Jack felt a tear slip down his face. His Ianto – dead? No! He couldn't he loved Jack! They were supposed to be together! How could he die?

'We don't know if he's dead Jack...'Owen spoke up and Jack realised he had been speaking aloud. 'Ianto was taken to Hitchingbrook hospital and rushed to intensive care. He could still be alive.'

'H...H...How do you know?' Kieran stepped through the door and faced Jack.

'Because I told them.' Jack turned to face him.

'And how do you know?'

'I can see the present in different places. It was how I knew Ianto was gone in the first place and how I know where he is now.'

'You knew where he was before didn't you?' It was more of a statement than a question but Kieran nodded anyway. 'Why didn't you tell me when it could have prevented this? Why didn't you tell me where he was when I was in pain? Why didn't you tell me?' The team cowered at his anger but Kieran remained calm.

'You never asked.'

'I never asked? God Kieran! We don't work like that! We share information when it's important! Argh!' Jack turned his back on Kieran and gripped his hair. He forced himself to calm down. His Ianto was in danger. 'That doesn't matter right now. Tosh, Owen, you stay here. Gwen and Kieran, pack your bags, we're going to Huntingdon.'

Jack waited for Gwen and Kieran to get their stuff together. He was surprised that Tosh and Owen hadn't argued with him but he was glad they hadn't – it made things easier. He tapped his foot impatiently as he waited; eventually they came through the hub door. As they piled into the SUV and Jack started the engine, he only had one thought. He was going back to his Ianto.

**A/N So after ages of begging reviewers…Jack finally found those letters but….is it too late?**


	9. Chapter 9

It went dead

**It went dead**

Gwen sat in the front of the SUV hanging onto the grip above her head as if her life depended on it. Technically it did seeing as Jack was driving. She had been with him in the SUV before when he broke the limits but not like this. She supposed Ianto had the power to make even Jack do crazy things. She felt a twinge of jealousy when she realised how much Jack must love Ianto. He was supposed to love her. She reflected on her wedding day, the way she just waited for Jack to stand up and demand the wedding to stop because he loved her. She snorted at the prospect. Romance wasn't easy and it never happened the way you wanted it to. But still, she wanted Jack and she didn't like the way he cared for Ianto. It was always supposed to be them. Her and Jack. But since Ianto Jones had spent the night at the Hub and broken Jack's heart, Jack had never looked at her twice. They used to flirt a little, sometimes outrageously, and it used to make Gwen feel special – as if she were of some importance. She sighed as she finally realised that there was no chance of her and Jack being together as long as Ianto was around. She looked out the window and away from Jack as a tear slipped down her cheek as she finally understood that she would never be as important to Jack as Ianto was. Love hurt.

Kieran was sat in the back of the SUV idly looking out the window. He'd never understand love he decided, the way people sacrificed themselves, the way people cried to themselves and the way people went crazy over it. No, he would never understand love. But he understood this one. He understood this love perfectly. He knew that Jack needed Ianto in order to keep moving forward and he knew that Ianto needed Jack in order to be himself. He understood that they both needed each other and he understood what lengths both would go to protect each other. He leaned back in his seat and smiled. It felt strange on his face because he had nothing to be happy about. But he did. After searching for a lifetime, he finally understood what love was.

Tosh looked up at her computer screen and smiled to herself. Jack was racing up the M25 in search of Ianto. She smiled as she thought of the love the two men shared for each other but it made her sad. She'd only experienced that kind of love once but the person she loved showed no inclination of loving her back. But Jack's love was strong. She knew by the way he had broken down the day before that he loved Ianto and should he die, Jack wouldn't cope. A tear slipped down her cheek as she thought of the prospect of no Ianto. Jack would die, he'd go insane. Tosh looked at the screen of her computer. On it was the list of calls Ianto had dialled in the last week. Next to that was a box which contained the name of the person Ianto had last been trying to call before he had the accident. The box contained a simple name but it was still a name that managed to bring fresh tears to Toshiko's eyes. Jack Harkness.

Owen looked over at Tosh and cursed. She was crying again. Why couldn't she just stop? They knew what they were getting into when they signed up for Torchwood so why was she so upset? Owen was amazed at his own insensitivity but it was part of who he was. He couldn't do the soppy romance but he couldn't be cold hearted either. Rolling his eyes, he made his way over to Tosh and put an arm around her shoulders. He thought about Jack and Ianto and if they had ever been like him and Tosh before the night Ianto had spent here. In love but too afraid to say something about it. Tosh leant into his touch and Owen felt his body respond. How could this woman make him feel like this? Was this how Ianto made Jack feel? If it was, Owen hoped to God that Ianto pulled through because he couldn't imagine life without Toshiko Sato so Jack couldn't; imagine like without Ianto Jones.

Jack pulled into a spare parking space in Hitchingbrook hospital and hurled himself out the car. Gwen and Kieran followed suit and were amazed that Jack could still walk after 5 hours of driving. Then again, it was Jack Harkness they were talking about. They followed him into the reception where he was getting directions to the IC unit was. They followed him as he ran down the corridor, ignoring the shouts of nurses as he flashed his badge at them carelessly. They met him again on the top floor; he was stood outside a door panting as he fought to get his breath back. A male nurse came over and started talking to him in low whispers and allowed Jack into see Ianto. Gwen motioned to Kieran and they sat in the plastic chairs waiting for their team leader to reappear.

Inside the room, Jack was crying. His Ianto was hooked to so many machines it broke his heart. How was he supposed to be comfortable? Jack made his way over to the bedside and perched on the side, taking Ianto's hand into his own. He was comforted by the monitor beside him beeping rhythmically as it measured Ianto's heartbeat. More tears cascaded down his cheeks as he took in Ianto's facial expression. He looked so peaceful – like he was sleeping. But Jack wanted him awake. He coughed slightly and ran his hand down Ianto's face.

'You know its funny Yan. I always thought that you'd be the one taking care of me. How I wish it was that way instead. You see the thing is I'd rather be in pain than helping you recover. Why are you so stupid Yan? Why did you have to run? I know why, it was because you loved me. You're a royal idiot Ianto Jones. If you had stuck around then you would have realised I loved you too. We're so stupid aren't we? Everyone was trying to tell us but we didn't listen. We just carried on hurting each other until we ended here. I know why you ended it Ianto and I think you made the right decision. You were unsure of how I felt and so you did the thing that would stop you hurting. I would have done the same thing.' Jack wiped his eyes. 'But why didn't you just talk to me? God! You had to be a pain in the arse didn't you? And look where it got you – in a hospital bed, fighting for your life with me rambling on at you.

I'm not rambling for the sake of it Yan. I do have a point to say I just don't know how to say it. You see, funny as it is, I'm scared of getting hurt too. Hell, with a life like mine, you're scared everyday. People die around you and you can't do a thing about it. And then I fell in love. I fell in love Ianto with the most amazing person I had ever met in all my lifetimes. I fell in love with you. I fell in love with Ianto Jones who has the power to control me like no one else has. That's why I'm here now sitting at his side waiting for him to come back to me so I can tell him all over again. I can't imagine life without this man in my life and I won't cope. I need him to come back t me. Ianto, I need you to come back to me.' Jack looked down at Ianto waiting for a reaction but nothing happened. His shoulders slumped as he stood up and made his way to the door. He was stopped by a feeble voice.

'I hope after that speech you're going to kiss me.' Jack laughed and rushed to Ianto's side. He placed his lips on Ianto's and felt his heart soar. Only Ianto could get that reaction out of him. After breaking for air, he placed his head against Ianto's.

'I love you Ianto Jones.'

'I l…l…' Jack looked at Ianto and felt his heart quicken. Ianto was pale and the grip on his hand tightened. 'L…love…y…you….t…t...too.' Jack felt his heart stop as the hand gripping his so tightly went limp and the monitor to the side of him went flat.

**A/N So I gave you an insight to Tosh, Owen, Gwen and Kieran there. And I let you into Jack too. However, what just happened to Ianto? Hmm……I'm sure of you review, the author will let you know **

**JessyDaCowgirl**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thankful**

Jack looked between the monitor and Ianto for several seconds as the truth sank in. His Ianto had gone. Died. Dead. His Ianto had left him. No! No one left Jack unless he let them. Jack went crazy. He shook Ianto as the tears slipped down his cheeks. He poked his face slightly.

'Yan?' No response.' Ianto please..' Jack whispered to the man below him. 'Were you not listening? I need you...Come back. Ianto stop messing about...it's not funny anymore. Stop! Ianto Jones I order you to stop.' Jack's voice hitched as more tears slipped out of his eyes. 'You are such an arse Ianto. I tell you I love you and you leave me! Why? You are such a difficult man! Come back. Why leave me now? When I need you most. I love you Ianto. I love you I love you I love you. Have I said it enough times? Can you come back now? Please? Ianto!' Jack hit his chest. 'Stop messing about – I don't appreciate it.' Jack laid his head on Ianto's chest as the tears slipped freely from his eyes. 'I love you Ianto, you can't leave me now. I forbid it...come back. Stop messing around.' Jack closed his eyes and breathed in Ianto scent as he realised the chest below him was moving – with laughter. He sat up and wiped his eyes to see Ianto looking at him and laughing. He looked confused for a minute before he leaned down and kissed Ianto lips. 'Ho..' Ianto held up a wire that had been unplugged – the one measuring his heart beat.

'I needed to make sure you meant it.' He said feebly. 'This was the only way – and it was pretty amusing!' Jack felt his heart go out to him as he realised the insecurity Ianto felt about them. It quickly came back as he thought of the pain he had just gone through. He turned his back on Ianto.

'I hate you.' He casually threw over his shoulder. Ianto sat up.

'No you don't. From what I heard you love me and need me. Does Jack need Ianto?' Ianto chuckled as Jack glared at him.

'Shut up.' Ianto smiled - he was getting into this teasing Jack thing.

'Do you want me to stop? Do you want me to stop messing around? Have you had enou-' Ianto was cut off by Jack's lips on his, he tried to deepen it but Jack pulled away.

'I shall see you tomorrow Ianto Jones.' Jack stood and left the room. He waled over to the ,ale nurse and informed him of Ianto's recovery. Running his hands down his face, Jack looked over at Gwen. She was looking around the hospital with a bored expression. He made his way over to her.

'Hey Gwen.' She looked up. 'Ianto's awake now.'

'That's good then. When can he come home?' Jack shrugged.

'Listen take Kieran and go back to Wales. I'll stay in a hotel until me and Ianto can come join you.'

'Oh and how will you get back?' Jack frowned, he hadn't thought of that.

'We'll think of something – go on...get out of here.' Gwen smiled gratefully and gestured to Kieran. They both waved to Jack and left. Jack leaned back in his chair and sighed. He noticed the male nurse leave Ianto's room and make his way over to Jack.

'Mr Harkness, Mr Jones will be fine and is expected to make a full recovery. However, for health reasons we would like to hold him overnight. He will be able to be discharged by 11am.' He smiled at Jack who smiled in return.

'Thank you.' Jack stood and went back into Ianto's room. He made his way over and sat next to Ianto. 'The nurse said that you can leave tomorrow Yan. I'll pick you up at 11 sharp.' Ianto nodded and Jack lent down to kiss him. The kiss soon deepened but Ianto pulled away.

'Don't want to get carried away.' He said in response to Jack's quizzical look. Jack nodded and left. Ianto rolled over and smiled._ Jack loved him._

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Jack walked back out of the hotel and cursed It was raining. He looked up at the dingy building and carried on. He smiled as he walked and thought about getting back to Cardiff. With Ianto.

He was still smiling as he walked into the hospital car park and noticed Ianto standing under the shelter by the entrance. Ianto saw Jack and started walking towards him, quickening his pace as he drew closer. Jack followed suit and both men met in the middle with a collision of lips. The kiss deepened as Jack ran his tongue along Ianto's bottom lip, growling when he got access. He explored Ianto's mouth savoring every taste as if it were the last. Finally after he pulled away for air, Jack realised how soaked he was getting. He grabbed Ianto's hand and made his way back to the hotel. Both men walked side by side with their hands clasped thankful that they had each other. Thankful that they had love for each other.

**A/N It's not finished !! Just in case you thought it was – there is still plenty to come ! **

**Okay so this chapter...sorry it's short! I had to redo the whole thing as every single reviewer asked me to save Ianto. (yes I'm heartless and he was going to die originally) However, with this new one I now have a new story line to continue with...**

**Acknowledgments: - **

**Leo – for your begging me not to kill Ianto and leading to me changing my mind. **

**LadyAnalyn – happy endings _do_ make the world go round so I hope you enjoyed this**

**Potterfan89 – so you finally got your kiss in – hope it was what you expected**

**ANYONE ELSE :- thank you so much for reviewing – it really makes my day when 4 out of 5 emails are reviews !**


	11. Chapter 11

**I was hoping you'd tell me**

**So I said it wasn't over and I meant it. There's still a lot to come up and a few twists along the way. I'm sorry it took so long to update but I went on holiday. I'm going again on Monday and won't be back to the following Monday so this is the last update until then. Sorry. I hope you like it though….**

Ianto leant back in the passenger seat of his car and smiled. Jack and him were heading back to Wales. Together. Ianto's smile widened as he thought of the hospital fiasco and how their feelings had been confronted. He knew that unplugging the monitor was cruel but he had to be certain of Jack's feelings. He had an image of Jack not loving him but only telling him he did to get him back to Cardiff. Once he was there, Jack would ignore him and he would be hurt – again. But Jack had still declared his love even when Ianto was 'dead' and it made his heart soar. He was jolted from his thoughts as he was flung into the car door; a result of Jack driving too fast and having to swerve to avoid a boulder lying in the middle of the road.

'Slow down love – I want to arrive in one piece.' Ianto looked at Jack who flashed him a killer smile making Ianto's inside3s melt. God he was _such_ a girl! He shook his head smiling and turned to watch the scenery flash by.

It didn't matter that Jack was driving; it didn't matter that he was breaking _all_ the speed limits. It didn't even matter that Jack's hand was on his thigh instead of the gear stick. None of this mattered to Ianto because Jack loved him. He needed him and it made Ianto feel – wanted again.

Flashback

'Gay?' John Jones was stood in front of his son looking stunned.

'Gay Father.' Ianto clenched his fists and was ashamed to find his palms sweaty. He shouldn't be sweaty! He was only informing his parents that he was gay. They accepted him joining Torchwood fairly easily; but then again it was 'for the good of the country'. Maybe being gay would be just as acceptable. Ianto almost laughed. This was his father he was talking to. He scanned the room quickly as his father continued to look at him perplexed. His mother was sat on the sofa, silent tears streaming down her cheeks as she held a photo of Ianto when he graduated school. Ianto felt his heart break. This must be hard for her; if Ianto knew anything, it was the fact that his father would blame his mother for his sexuality 'problem'.

'I don't understand.' Ianto's gaze flicked back to his father.

'What?'

'I don't understand how you can be gay. We brought you up properly, we haven't sinned – at least I haven't. We raised you to be a gentleman, not to turn out unnatural. Why? Why choose this Ianto?'

'I didn't choose it father, it just happened.' Ianto lowered his gaze as his father turned bright red.

'It didn't just happen Ianto Jones! You must have chosen to disgrace your family and what better way to do it than to be gay? What went through your head when you decided huh?' John strode over to his son and shook him roughly; Ianto fell back slightly but didn't bother to defend himself. John turned away and started pacing. 'What made you choose to become unnatural? What made you want to be a disgrace, an embarrassment? What made you want to become a fag?'

'I fell in love.' Ianto whispered. His father stopped pacing and turned to face him.

'Fell in love?' He echoed. 'You don't know what love is my boy.' Ianto felt anger boil within his veins.

'But I do. I know what I feel is love. Every time I'm with him I want to stay with him, I want to be with him for longer. When ever I see him or hear his name mentioned my heart beats wildly. Every time he smiles at me my stomach turns summersaults. I know what love is because If Jack wer-' Ianto gasped. He let out _the _name.

'Jack?' His father repeated. 'Your boss?' Ianto nodded dumbly. His father looked incredulous. 'You fell in love with a slut? The guy who sleeps with everything that walks? They guy…'

'Don't talk about him like that! He's not a slut! He's kind, caring and brave. And yes, I love him.'

'Well that's settled then.' Ianto sighed with relief – they were accepting it. 'You choose us or Jack.' Ianto looked up sharply. Surely he didn't have to make this decision? But he did. He could see it in his father's eyes.

'Jack.' He whispered.

'What?'

'I choose Jack. I'm sorry father but I love him.' His father just motioned to the door letting Ianto know where he was supposed to go. Ianto cast one last look around the room and left. He looked back at the door and saw his father wrench the photo his mother was holding form her hands and chuck it in the bin beside her. He sighed and went through the door, closing it behind him. There was no going back now.

End Flashback

Ianto awoke by someone shaking him. It was Jack. He was leaning over Ianto with a concerned look on his face.

'You alright? You were shaking and moaning.' Ianto shook himself and yawned. He must have dropped off.

'Fine, fine.' He looked around and realise they had arrived and where parked by the entrance to the hub. He opened the door and stepped out. Jack walked around the car to stand beside him. As he was walking, Ianto realised he had never told Jack how he felt. He had demanded Jack to tell him but had never told Jack how he felt. Jack came to his side and took his hand. Ianto looked at him and smiled.

'I love you.' It was that simple. Jack just looked at him and Ianto wondered whether he had done the right thing. However, he found himself pressed against the car with Jack's lips on his. Moaning he deepened the kiss and realised it began to rain. They were making a habit of this. The kiss deepened and Ianto ran his tongue along Jack's lips seeking entrance which he got. Tongues explored mouths and arousals grew but Jack pulled away. He motioned to the sky which was letting out big drops of rain.

'We'd better get in before we get soaked. Besides, loads of people are waiting to see you.' They walked in hand in hand and were soon ambushed by their fellow team mates. After ten minutes of being hugged and kissed – by Gwen and Tosh – Ianto was finally free. He was about to walk back to his desk when he saw Kieran beckoning to him. Waling over Ianto realised he was holding something in his hand.

'What's that?' He gestured to the gadget sitting in the teenager's palm. Kieran just looked at him.

'I was hoping you could tell me.'

**A/N And so I leave it for a week or so to figure out what Kieran has in his hand…until I get back. Sorry but Review and the best idea for what is in Kieran's hand gets into the story!**

**PotterFan89 – I had to do another rain kiss if only for you !**

**Jackandiantoisforever – there's your update !**

**Other reviewers – thanks so much for your support it makes my day !**


	12. Chapter 12

**Answers?**

**A/N ****sorry it took a while but I was on holiday. I had to 'up' the rating due to a 'scene'. Thanks for reading.**

Jack walked through the hub humming. His team members stared at him as he strolled past them. He was _humming. _Jack took the stairs two at a time with a dopey smile on his face. He couldn't wait to see Ianto. After the confession out by the car and the kiss they had shared, everything had changed. The two men had silently agreed to let the other in and to keep no secrets. It still made Jack smile when he thought of the way Ianto had just smiled at him and announced his love for him. It still made his heart jump at the rawness of the kiss. Even if it had been raining. But that added to the romance didn't it?

Jack stalked into his office and pouted. Ianto wasn't here. He glanced around the room quickly and decided that Ianto _definitely _wasn't there. He thought for a moment before smiling and heading out the room. He knew where Ianto was.

Strutting into the kitchen, Jack frowned. Ianto wasn't here. He checked the cupboards swiftly before his frown increased. After a moments thought it was replaced with a smile. He headed out the room still smiling. He knew where Ianto was.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Ianto sat in the boardroom frowning at Kieran. He still couldn't fully understand what this boy was telling him. Before he had chance to ask, Jack wandered into the room.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Jack wandered into the boardroom and frowned slightly. Ianto and Kieran were leaning towards each other holding a frantically whispered conversation.

'Well, well Ianto. Making friends I see?' Ianto broke of the conversation with a laugh.

'Well it does help you get through life Jack. Especially if one of said friends is your boss.' He winked at Jack who blushed ever so slightly. It was so unlike Ianto to be so forward but he guessed the hospital scene and the car-kiss helped him a little. Now both men had no doubt about their feelings for each other.

'_Especially_ if it's your boss.' He stepped around the table and dropped a kiss to Ianto's forehead. 'What were you two discussing so frantically before I entered?' Kieran shot a worried look to Ianto before he answered.

'I was arguing with Ianto about whether it was raining tomorrow.' Jack blinked at him. Twice.

'You were arguing? Over the weather?' Ianto coughed.

'Well I said to Kieran that if it wasn't raining tomorrow then I'd take him out. However, he was insistent that it wouldn't be raining.' Jack just raised his eyebrows. Ianto could tell he didn't believe them so he just stood and walked around the table. He placed a brief kiss on Jack's lips. 'I'll make you a coffee love.' Kieran soon followed him out leaving Jack looking slightly confused. He still had his coffee in his hand.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Ianto looked around the darkened hub and shivered. Kieran was down in the cells; he had chosen to stay there seeing as it was dark and 'safe'. Jack was in his office waiting for Ianto to join him but he had made his excuses and put it off for a while. 'Mugs need clearing away' he had said. Jack had simply grunted and made his way up to his office. Ianto looked around and made sure that Jack was safely in his office before sneaking over to Tosh's desk.

He moved a few objects cursing slightly. Where was it? Ianto opened a few drawers and cursed again.

'Ianto!' Jack's shout came down from his office causing Ianto to jump. He quickened his search and finally found what he was looking for. He slipped it into his suit jacket pocket and made his way up the stairs. Entering Jack's office he found Jack ready for him and shirtless.

Smiling despite the anxious feeling settling over him, Ianto shucked of his jacket and stepped across the room. Jack met him halfway with a flurry of lips and male testosterone. Shirts and trousers were quickly disposed off as Jack kissed his way down Ianto's chest. Ianto tilted his head back, lost in the feeling of Jack's tongue doing crazy things to him. As Jack reached the waistline of his boxers he looked up at Ianto, looking as if he was asking for permission to continue. Ianto sighed and Jack smiled. Easing Ianto's boxers down, Jack eased his manhood free. Ianto gasped at the sensation of Jack just holding him. The moment was short lived as Jack took Ianto into his mouth. His tongue caressed the tip of his erection before swooping down the length of his shaft. Ianto leant back and grabbed the desk for support as Jack began sucking him gently but forcefully. Before long, Ianto was brought to the tip of a climax but Jack pulled back. Ianto moaned at the loss of contact but was soon satisfied with Jack finger entering his entrance. Jack added another finger making Ianto close his eyes in pleasure. Another finger was added before Ianto grabbed Jack's hand.

'I want you in me. Now.' He whispered huskily. Jack smirked.

'So keen Ianto?' Ianto just scowled and Jack slipped out of his boxers. He was rock hard and that suited Ianto just fine. He pushed his body flush against Jack's revelling in the man's lust. Jack forgot about any other preparation as he entered his lover. Both men shut their eyes at the sensation. Jack because it felt so right being in Ianto and Ianto because he had never felt so complete. Jack held the pose for a while before Ianto rocked his hips encouraging him to carry on. Jack obliged, puling out slightly before thrusting back into him. Ianto grasped Jack's shoulders for support and Jack bit into Ianto's neck. They soon set a pace both men were satisfied with and before long, a sheet of sweat was the only thing that separated their bodies. The thrusts became more desperate and both men came, their lovers' name on his lips. Both spent and both satisfied, they struggled to regain their breath. Barely recovered, Ianto took Jack's hand and led him down the stairs and into Jack's quarters.

'I haven't had my turn yet.' Was all he said to Jack's questioning gaze. Jack smiled and allowed himself be led to the bed.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Ianto turned on his side and smiled at the sleeping form of Jack Harkness. The fringe fluttered slightly as its owner breathed and his eyelids flickered slightly as he dreamed. Ianto smiled like an idiot; he was in love and he liked it. Turning to the suit jacket he had fetched down earlier, he pulled out the device he had been searching for. It was the rift transporter. Well that's what he called it anyway. Both Gwen and Owen had visions of the past when they had held it and if what Kieran had said earlier meant anything then this device would help Ianto find out the truth. Tosh was supposed to destroy it but even Ianto knew she hadn't because she had wanted to study it more. It was good that she hadn't – well for Ianto anyway. He leant forwards and placed a lingering kiss on Jack's lips.

'I love you' He whispered. Jack turned in his sleep and murmured 'love you too' before falling back asleep. Ianto smiled sadly and looked at the device in his hands. He suddenly felt very apprehensive –what if it didn't work? Before he could back out, Ianto pushed the small button on the device.

His world went black.

**A/N did I over do the 'scene'? So where has Ianto gone and why is he lying to Jack? Is he lying to Jack or were him and Kieran generally discussing weather? Review and you shall find out.**

**Jantogirl :- sorry you had to wait – but so did everyone else. I'm glad you like this and I will probably wait for another 'rain kiss'**

**LadyAnalyn and Galadriel1010 thanks for your ideas – they were great but this one worked better – sorry! Thanks again.**

**As to the question at the end of the last chapter – LadyAnalyn and Galadriel were the only two to answer it. My mum won though and together we have mapped out the remainder of this fic – yes it is coming to an end sad smile**

**Thanks for your support !**

**WickedTorchwoodFan**


	13. Chapter 13

Since when do we have secrets

**Since when do we have secrets?**

Jack woke suddenly when a blast of wind forced his fringe from his head. He shivered at the force and groggily opened his eyes. He looked beside him to see Ianto wide eyed and shaking. He sat up quickly. This was serious.

'Yan?' He waved a hand in front of Ianto's face. Ianto jumped violently and turned to face Jack.

'You're here.' Was all he whispered as he pressed his lips against Jack's. Jack was confused. Where else would he have been? There was an urgency in Ianto's kisses that made Jack pull back.

'What? Of course I'm here love why wouldn't I be?' Ianto just shook his head and tried to kiss Jack again. Jack, however, gently pushed against Ianto's chest, preventing their lips from meeting. He noticed that Ianto was shaking again. 'Ianto, I need to know.' Ianto pulled away and swept his legs so he was sitting on the side of the bed.

'I can't tell you.' A tear slipped down his cheek as he stood. Jack realised he was dressed. Why would he be dressed in bed? Something wasn't right – that much he knew. Since when did he and Ianto keep secrets from each other?

'Can't?' Jack echoed, Ianto nodded and picked up his suit jacket. Jack looked down at the bed and Ianto slyly slipped the device into the his pocket without Jack knowing. 'What do you mean can't?' Ianto looked up sharply. There was a hint of pain in Jack's voice as he sat in his bed looking expectantly at Ianto.

'I just can't Jack, I'm sorry.' He made to leave the room but was held back by Jack reaching over the bed and placing a hand on his wrist.

'That's it? You just say 'I'm sorry Jack' and expect to walk out of here?' Ianto hung his head and Jack released his wrist. He looked down at the bed again to prevent Ianto seeing the pain in his eyes. He was still facing the bed when he spoke. 'Was it all a ploy then? A ploy to get me into bed again?' Ianto said nothing. 'Oh My God! It was wasn't it? Well you had me Ianto, you really had me going. I really did believe you. But guess what? I bet you didn't count on me caring did you? I bet you didn't bank on nearly dying – oh let me guess it was staged. You wanted to shag Jack Harkness but you wanted it to be real so you made him fall for you. You're sneaky you are Ianto, really sneaky.' Jack raised his gaze to meet Ianto's, who stood silently waiting by the door. 'But I did fall for you, I fell for you hard and now I've mucked up your plans because you realise that you can't just have some shag and walk away. You now have a man in love to contend with. Well sorry to have fucked things up Ianto but I do. I love you and I truly believed you loved me. But lovers tell each other things and here you are keeping secrets. So maybe you don't love me? After everything we went through – even if it was all fake for you - I thought you truly cared. So why did you do it? Was it some form of payback for making you make coffee? For making you clean? Was it revenge for what I did Lisa?' Jack had stepped out the bed by now and stood facing Ianto. Ianto blushed at Jack's naked body and gestured with his hand.

'Cover yourself Jack.' Jack's eyes widened.

'Cover myself? It's never been a problem before. It was never a problem when I was pounding into you was it?'

'It was different then.' Jack rolled his eyes. Why did this hurt so much? Why couldn't Ianto just tell him?

'Oh yeah, because then you didn't have any problems did you? Before, when I was pounding into you, you got what you wanted but now, now I'm asking questions and Ianto doesn't like it does he? Is poor Ianto sad? Is Ianto upset because Jack found out his oh so evil plan?'

'Shut up! Just shut up Jack! You have no idea what you're on about. It has nothing to do with Lisa and everything to do with us! Why can't you see that?' Ianto met Jack's gaze again. It was cold and Ianto realised Jack had put his defences up.

'Why can't you tell me?' Ianto just lowered his gaze and left the room.

'Fine just walk away as usual. Just don't get knocked down again because I won't be there for you.' Jack looked around the room willing the tears brimming his eyes not to fall but they did. He sat on the bed and held his head in his hands, letting the tears fall and decorate his floor. Why did he go off on one like that? He was hurt. Ianto had hurt him again and he had acted out of anger. Why didn't he give Ianto chance to tell him or at least explain why he couldn't tell him? He shook his head and looked around the room for some clothes. He found a clean shirt and trousers and put them on. He made his way up to his office to find his team entering the hub laughing. His eyes were still red so he simply stayed where he was. He looked down back at his team and saw Ianto laughing with them and joking around. Fresh tears slipped down his cheeks. He cursed and turned away, looking for braces. He found them and, tears still coming down his cheeks, struggled to fix them. He jumped when slim hands covered his own and fixed his braces to the back of his trousers. He turned and was shocked to see Gwen standing behind him. She didn't say anything about his eyes or tears but simply pulled him into a hug. He was glad and wrapped his arms around her, finally calming down.

'Want to talk about it?' Gwen asked as they pulled apart. Jack shook his head but stopped mid shake. It could help by talking to someone. He simply nodded and offered a weak smile.

'What about the team?' He asked, his voice hoarse from crying.

'I'll deal with them.' Gwen smiled encouragingly and left the office. 'Okay everyone. Jack is feeling a little unwell at the moment,' Gwen noticed Ianto look up sharply but refused to acknowledge him. The rest of the team – bar Gwen – looked at him as if expecting him to go up to Jack. 'So he told me to tell you what to do. Right, Tosh you need to continue with the research you were doing about why Kieran's rift suddenly dumped him here, Owen Jack wants you to do more tests on Kieran, blood, reactions you know the run down. Ianto,' everyone smiled as they thought Jack would be requiring him. 'Jack wants you to go through the tourist information centre and make it look more 'touristy' – his words – and go through the news and see if anymore random humans have been found.' Everyone frowned at her. Why didn't Jack want Ianto? 'I'm going to make a coffee and sort Jack out.' She pushed past them and shot Ianto a hard look. She had an inkling about what had happened. When she came back and no one had moved, she sighed. 'Come on! Jack's orders.' Everyone exchanged glances and went to do their research and various stuff they had to do. Gwen relaxed a little, a least they didn't question her. Her smile faded though as she made her way to the office and the crying Jack inside.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Jack finally left his office to find everyone playing basketball. Well, trying to anyway. Gwen had left him about an hour ago and he had finally felt relaxed enough to face his team – and Ianto. The team stopped playing as he came closer and he realised Ianto and Kieran were missing. Again. He cleared his throat and everyone looked at him.

'Where are Ianto and Kieran?' Everyone exchanged looks, as if they were unsure of whether to tell him or not. Jack felt his anger rise. 'I said where are Ianto and Kieran?'

'Boardroom.' They mumbled back. Jack dipped his head as a way of thanks and made his way to the boardroom. He stopped just outside of it when he heard they're voices.

'I can't tell him, at least not everything, I'm sorry.' That was Ianto and Jack felt angry again.

'But you have to – it's the only way I can go back.' Jack frowned, what was Kieran on about?

'Not according to what you told me. I went there last night and it happened, just like you told me.' Jack heard Ianto sigh.

'Tell Jack. He won't blame you – I need him to know because as long as he doesn't know, I'm stuck here.' Jack frowned.

'But how do I tell him?' Ianto sounded resigned.

'Use words.' Jack sniggered but stopped immediately when the door opened. 'Oh look Ianto, its Jack now tell him. Ooh the others are playing basketball…I like basketball.' Kieran wandered off, leaving Jack and Ianto staring at each other uncomfortably.

'Well' Ianto gestured to the chair. Jack look at him stonily as he sat down.

'Well, that was nice. You can tell a complete stranger something you can't tell your lover. Very nice indeed.' Ianto looked away. 'Why Ianto? Why can you tell every person accept from me? Since when have we had secrets?'

'It's because it concerns him.'

'Oh it concerns him so now he's the only one he can tell because it – and I quote – concerns him? That's bullshit Ianto and you know it. I tell you everything. Why can't you do the same for me?' Ianto sighed he knew he had lost.

'It's Kieran.' Jack rolled his eyes.

'I guessed that much.' He said. Ianto just smiled slightly.

'I found out where he came from – only I don't think it bodes well.' Jack leaned forwards ever so slightly, now he was interested.

'Oh yeah?'

'Yeah.' Jack waited.

'So?'

'So what?' Ianto looked slightly confused.

'Are you going to tell me?'

'Tell you what?' Jack almost sighed out of exasperation.

'Where Kieran came from?'

'Oh yea.' Jack waited. Nothing.

'So?'

'So?' Jack sighed out of frustration.

'Where did Kieran come from?' Ianto raised his eyes to meet Jack's gaze.

'My future.'

**A/N So there you have it. One mystery from Kieran. Only is that all? What can't Ianto tell Jack? Has he told him everything? Review !**

**Potterfan89 – I updated! But I didn't tell you everything – that would just give the game away. **

**Hotflower901 – I want to know your question!!**

**LadyAnalyn – yes you're right but Ianto doesn't know how to use it so it goes a little wrong – to put it mildly…**

**Thanks to other reviwers and readers !**


	14. Chapter 14

I'll tell you

**I'll tell you**

It was three weeks since Ianto had told him about Kieran and Jack was annoyed – putting it mildly. The only thing Ianto had told him about Kieran was the fact he was from the future. Ianto's future. Jack was fairly certain that he deserved more information than that but Ianto refused to tell him. Jack sat back in his chair as he remembered.

Flashback

'_Your future?' Ianto nodded. 'But…How?' _

'_I can't tell you Jack, I just can't.' Jack looked to the ceiling in frustration. _

'_Why not?' It's not as if I'm going to judge you because of it.' Ianto's eyes filled with tears as he looked at his lover. _

'_But you might.' Jack looked at him in shock. What had happened? They were so sure of each others' feelings before; yet here Ianto was questioning them. _

'_Haven't I done enough?' Ianto looked at Jack in surprise. 'Haven't I proved my love to you enough times?' Ianto avoided his gaze so Jack raised his voice. 'Haven't I told you I love you enough times? Haven't I cried enough for you? I ran to you when you nearly died. Wasn't that enough? I still told you how I felt when you 'died' Wasn't that enough to convince you? Haven't I done enough to show you I love you? To show you I won't leave you – or judge you?' Ianto felt the tears slip down his face but didn't wipe them away. He just stood and made his way to the door. 'Why can't you tell me?' Jack's voice held him back and he looked over his shoulder to see his lover in tears too. He closed his eyes to block the sight._

'_Because I'm too disgusted with myself.' Ianto left the room leaving Jack to his shock and tears. _

End Flashback

'Jack? Jack? You there?' Jack was jolted from his thought by Gwen waving a hand in front of his face. 'Owen's finished testing Kieran's blood.' Jack looked up sharply. Now she had his full attention, Gwen blushed under the hard gaze she was receiving. She was secretly glad she had got over her feelings for Jack long ago. They were friends, string friends, and that made her proud. Proud that they had been able to overcome the awkwardness that had once existed between them. She was brought out of her reverie by Jack coughing slightly. 'Oh yes…erm…well...it's a little weird….but…well….just…don't trust Owen's results entirely because something could have gone wrong ... but…'

'Just spit it out Gwen.' Gwen looked at Jack and closed her eyes. This was going to tear him apart.

'Kieran…well…he…he…well…' she cleared her throat. 'He...erm…shares DNA with Ianto.' She looked at Jack and saw the look of confusion cross his face. It was soon replaced with realisation and then pain. She reached out to touch his hand but he pulled it back. 'Jack….it might not b-'

'Out.' Gwen blinked in surprise.

'What?' Jack fixed her with a steely gaze.

'Please…..just leave.' Jack couldn't stop the tear from slipping out his eye and Gwen saw it. She bowed her head and left the room, knowing Jack would need time to himself. She made her way back to the main area.

'Did you tell him?' Owen greeted her at the bottom of the stairs. Gwen nodded. 'And?' Gwen just shook her head as a tear slipped through her eyelashes. Gwen pulled her into a tight hug. It was great that even though they had been together, broken up and still remained close. 'Ssshhhh it's okay. Well its not but it will be. You did great.' Owen continued to comfort her as she cried for her boss and friend.

Back in the office Jack sat there in shock as the information processed through his brain. Ianto. DNA. Kieran. Same. Related. Son? Jack felt the tears slip down his cheeks but left them there. Ianto had a son. _His _Ianto had a _son!_ Blinded by fury, Jack stood quickly and his chair fell back with a crash. Why wasn't he told by Ianto? Why was he last to know about something so important? How long had Ianto known? Did this happen when he woke to find Ianto shaking? Jack strode from his office and slammed the door shut behind him. His team looked at him and Gwen pointed in the direction of the kitchen knowing he was looking for Ianto. His team cowered as he walked past, intimidated by his anger. As he left, they all exchanged looks that clearly said 'God help Ianto.'

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Ianto was in turmoil. Why did he have to do it? He could still taste her on his lips, feel her beneath his hands. He had never been so disgusted with himself. He looked into the coffee machine and his reflection stared back, taunting him. He sighed deeply and switched on the coffee. Maybe coffee would help. He jumped violently as Jack stormed into the kitchen, anger held captive by his features. Then again, maybe it wouldn't. Ianto cleared his throat nervously.

'So erm…latte?'

'This isn't time to make a joke about coffee Ianto Jones. Why didn't you tell me Kieran was your son?' Ianto flinched at the use of his full name but gasped at Jack's question. How did he know?

'H…Ho…How?' He managed to choke out.

'Owen's blood tests.' Ianto closed his eyes in realisation. Jack felt his anger rise. The tests hadn't lied. Why hadn't Ianto trusted him enough to tell him? 'So it's true? Kieran's your son?' Ianto nodded his confirmation. Jack did the only thing that occurred to him. He cried. Ianto moved as if to comfort him but Jack staggered back trying to wipe his tears away. 'I trusted you Ianto and you couldn't tell me. We agreed 'no secrets' and I was happy. I was happy because for once I didn't have to lie to my partner. I was happy because I trusted him to tell me the truth. But you've been hiding secrets from me. Not to mention lying. You told me you had no idea about Kieran's parentage. But you did. How long have you known Ianto?' Ianto didn't answer so Jack raised his voice a little more. 'How long?'

'Three weeks.' He whispered in reply.

'Three weeks? Three weeks! Not once could you find the time to tell me?! I was last to know. My _team _knew before I did. How worthless do you think I feel right now?'

'I didn't want to hurt you.' It was said quietly but Jack heard it anyway.

'Didn't want to hurt me? You hurt me more but _not_ telling me! I was the last one to know my _partner_ had a fucking son!' Ianto flinched at the curse but held Jack's gaze. Jack lowered his voice. 'Is it mine? Do one of us somehow miraculously get pregnant in the future? Is it ours?' Ianto could see a perfect way out of this mess, all he had to do was lie. But he couldn't. Not now. Instead, he just shook his head.

'No.' He breathed.

'Un-Fucking-Believable. You shagged some other woman and gave her a son. Did I mean that little to you? Did I mean so little you had to lose yourself in a woman? Tell me Ianto, did you think of me when you entered her?' _Yes,_ came the silent reply. 'Did you think of me when fucking her?' _Yes._ 'Did you think of me when you came?' _Yes, wishing it was you I was coming with. _'Did you even think of me when you finished and collapsed on top of her?' _Wishing it was you beneath me._ 'Did you feel anything?' Jack's voice had lowered to a whisper, making the pain in his voice evident. 'Guilt?' _More than ever_. 'Sorrow?' _Lots. _'Relief?' _If only. _Ianto just stood there silently refusing to answer the question aloud. The coffee machine beeped behind him. 'Your coffees done Ianto.' Jack said softly. 'And so am I.' Jack left the room and Ianto collapsed against the cupboard sobbing.

Gwen saw the pain in Jack's eyes as he ordered everyone to go home early and shut himself in his office. Tosh and Owen looked at each other and made their way to their coats.

'You coming Gwen?' Tosh turned back at the cog door.

'Yeah, just taking these cups into the kitchen.'

'Ah just leave it, Ianto can get them.' Owen helped Tosh into her coat.

'No!' The force in her voice surprised even herself. She cleared her throat. 'I mean it's just as easy for me to.' She made to pick up the mugs as Owen shrugged into his coat.

'Suit yourself; we'll meet you up top.' He turned to Tosh. 'Tosh my gorgeous lady, would you accompany me to the surface?' Tosh giggled whilst blushing and took the proffered hand.

'I would be delighted.' She and Owen made their way through the door and soon all Gwen could hear was the rumble of Owen's voice and Tosh's giggles. She smiled and made her way to the kitchen. Ianto was curled in the corner, ashen faced and eyes red from crying. Gwen placed the mugs on the side and dropped down by the friend she came to look at as a brother. She pulled him into her arms and soon her shirt was wet with tears.

'Ssshhhh. Come on. Tell me.' Ianto looked at her with shocked eyes. 'Look, I might be a female but that doesn't make me dumb. I know you're holding a secret and its tearing you and Jack apart.' Ianto opened his mouth at the mention of Jack but Gwen didn't let him talk. 'And no he didn't send me in here. My friend needs me so I came to him. Now tell me.' Ianto cleared his throat and slowly began his tale. He knew by telling Gwen it would remain a secret. Besides, maybe she would know what to do.

By the time he had finished telling Gwen everything, both he and Gwen were in tears.

'So I can't tell him.' Gwen sighed and wiped her tears.

'You can. Ianto, you shouldn't have to keep this to yourself. Jack loves you and it would help you to see that. Now get up there and tell him.'

'But Gwe-'

'No buts. Get.' Ianto sighed. He knew Gwen was right but this was going to be hard. He wiped away the remnants of his tears and stood up offering a hand to Gwen. They walked to the cog door together and Ianto helped him into her coat.'

'Remember Ianto. Trust him.' She kissed his cheek and made her way out the door. Ianto sighed deeply and took the stairs two at a time. He thought about knocking on the door but decided against it. He barged in, causing Jack to look up in alarm.

'I thought I to-…oh…Ianto.' He broke the gaze and stood up. He walked around his desk and went to walk past Ianto but was stopped by Ianto laying his hand on Jack's arm. Both men looked at where the creamy skin met the blue shirt.

'I'm ready.' Ianto looked at Jack but the older man refused to meet his gaze.

'For what?' Jack's voice had a dejected ring to it.

'Tell you.' Ianto said it simply but Jack raised his gaze to meet Ianto's.

'Tell me what?' Ianto swallowed. No going back.

'Everything.'

**A/N And so she leaves it with tears. Leaving room for a sequel…ha-ha**

**PotterFan89 – thanks for all your help and ideas. (Seriously check this author out – she is AMAZING!)**

**Everyone else – thank you so much for your support !**


	15. Chapter 15

Readers,

**Readers,**

**There is now a sequel up for this and it's titled 'Caught in a Strange Paradox' Check it out! (It's being beta'd by Potterfan89)**

**WickedTorchwoodFan**


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